Three weeks into the New Year and I have still to escape from the black cloud that engulfed me over the festive season. I seem to be swinging wildly between a dogged determination to achieve the goals I have set myself and a strong desire to just curl up in bed. I have spent entire days walking, swimming, working out at the gym and totally avoiding food (that last bit seems necessary as I would like to lose a bit of weight). On other days I have procrastinated over the simplest tasks, eaten stupid amounts of junk food and ended the day exhausted, having achieved nothing but a heightened sense of self loathing. This won’t do at all.
Yesterday evening I stumbled across a blog with this great post: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html
Now, like every other mother I know, I try to be the best mum I can to my kids – even when they are driving me mad – so I do get the important stuff done. What I am not so good at is the rest and this is what I loved about the post. Just occasionally I go through periods of time when I am cleaning the house properly, baking fresh bread for my family, arranging to see friends and feeling unbearably smug about my achievements. Do I even want to be this domestic goddess type person? Believe me, I do not fit that particular mould. If I can switch off from what I think the rest of the world expects from me then I am quite happy at home, alone, drinking copious amounts of coffee and surfing the net. This does not make me a bad person but is not good for my mental health long term.
This morning, after I had got the kids off to school, I decided to give myself permission to go back to bed with my teddy bear, my computer and a large cup of coffee. I have read the mainstream news, laughed out loud at some blog posts and caught up with the stuff my cyber friends are allowing me to share with them. Then I thought that I would indulge myself just a little more and set up my own blog.
Take a moment here to consider that leap. I know that plenty of people have blogs these days. There are some very clever, witty and intelligent writers out there and I do not expect to be one of them. I am doing this as an indulgence, as a therapy, as an outlet for what creativity I possess. I guess I am nervous that I will be read and found wanting but, just as I have the choice to write, you have the choice to read (or not).
If you have got this far then hello. I am embarking on a new journey. You are welcome to join me.