I have a day off. My husband has taken our boys out for the day, to the Naval Aviation Museum; not my sort of thing so I stay home. I have a day to myself, to do what I wish without being judged. That is what it feels like too often; that I am being judged and found wanting.
What to do? There is so much that I want to do! I had a leisurely breakfast and caught up with the news, but that is a whole hour gone. I need to slow the time down, to make the most of this freedom. I have chores to tackle and tasks to complete. I want to lie down, look up at the sky and allow my mind to wander. I want to read and write and dream.
I have locked the doors, closed the blinds and cocooned myself in my quiet house. There are no expectations to live up to, no demands being made. I am alone and free to breathe.
I should make lists of the things that I must achieve today. There are letters to be written to family members, cleaning to be dealt with, tidying to be done. I cannot just sit here and allow the hours to pass like the clouds that float by the roof lights above my sofa. They look so light and free, but even they are carried by a wind that is beyond their control.
Slow down the clocks. Allow me to wallow a little longer in this delicious tranquility. I will make this a good day; I will make the most of this me time.
When my little family return this evening I will be the good wife and mother. I will be cheerful and happy to welcome them back home, to hear their tales of adventure.
For now though I have the space to open up my heart, to relax and to be myself; whatever that may be today.