Written for a ReadWave challenge.
“I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.” (Rebecca West)
Emotive words like feminism can be difficult to use. I would call myself a feminist, yet often find myself disagreeing with opinions professed by others who would also describe themselves in this way. For example, I do not believe that everyone should be treated equally at all times.
There are occasions when I would not complain about a job advertisement asking for a man or a woman; for example, a play or television show that desires a particular gender for a part. For every rule there will be exceptions.
What makes me angry is misogyny, and it is unfortunate that this is alive and well in our supposedly open and free, western society. It is not always recognised or acknowledged, but one only has to look at such examples as the everyday sexism project to understand that woman are not regarded as they should be, that rape culture is prevalent and accepted by many. While this type of behaviour exists, I would argue that feminism continues to be relevant and necessary.
For me personally, feminism is about recognising ability and offering choice based on individual circumstance. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to attend and graduate from university. I studied a subject that interested me (computer science), not one that was typically chosen by women at the time. After a decade of working hard to further my career, unhindered by the fact that I was a woman, I then opted to become a stay at home mother. I do not consider, as some may, that my education and work experience are wasted. I have used all that I have learned in raising my children and conclude that I help and advise them more effectively because of my life experiences.
There are women who are happy to become an attractive accessory for a man. There are women who choose not to marry or have children and who are as capable as any of having a career that society would regard as successful. If these women are able and willing to follow these paths then I would not wish to condemn their choices. Most of us, men and women, will have a variety of aspirations and will have to make compromises along the way as limits are imposed by personal abilities, conflicting desires and individual circumstances. It is only when limitations are put in place due purely to gender that I would see cause for complaint.
Feminism exists because too many cultures have, historically, seen woman as of less value than men. They consider women to be flighty and vain, unreliable and overly emotional; whereas men are considered to be strong and determined, jolly good types to be trusted and relied upon. I suspect that men often choose a man over a woman for a job due to that natural human tendency to go with the known and familiar, to gravitate towards that which we see in ourselves.
All people are individuals and will thrive if they are not forced to conform to rigid, cultural expectations. Abilities exist on a broad spectrum and are fluid; all can learn and adapt as situations change. Problems occur when those in power seek to impose what they see as right for a section of society, when they refuse to accept those who choose a different way.
Societal expectations can be hard to oppose, but this is why feminism still matters. Men can be victims just as much as women with the expectation that they will provide, support and succeed. Feminism should not be seen as putting men down, but as a means to offer wider choice for all.
As we go through life we change. I am not the person I was at twenty or thirty. It would be sad if I was as this would suggest I had learned nothing in the intervening years. There is no ‘one rule fits all’ for men or women, any more than there is just one rule that fits an individual throughout their life.
I guess what I am fighting for is flexibility. Do not expect certain behaviours from me because I am a woman, because I am pale skinned, middle aged, middle class or British. Allow me to be me. I am both ordinary and extraordinary, as are all the people that I know.
We need feminism to stop those in power considering woman as one, homogeneous mass and deciding what is best for them. They do not know what is best for me anymore than I know what is best for you.
Yes! You are speaking my language! I’m a feminist (because, duh!) But I’m so tired of the perceptions of feminism that still get bandied about. There’s a lot of people afraid of that word because a small vocal group of people demonized it. I’m for equality for everyone. But I will carry the banner of those who are marginalized ( Women, Gay/LGBT, racial and religious minorities). And I love men, I support men, I don’t hate them because I’m a feminist. And misogyny, that’s a hot button for me. I’ve written about it a few times and probably will continue to. I could go on, but your post speaks for itself. I just wanted to say I wholeheartedly agree and thank you for writing this!
Thank you! It is always encouraging to get such positive feedback.
Yes so much to all of this. “I’m fighting for flexibility” is the sentiment that really resonates with me. I am friends with a few people who have made feminism their life’s work and their studied passion and I congratulate them, but sometimes there seems to be an extreme rigidity in what is acceptable and not acceptable to say/think/do/want in the circles of folk who write and think and advocate for feminism these days. It also bothers me that for some reason (at least here in America, anyway), it seems that you lose your feminist card when you choose to become a stay-at-home mother. If feminism is about fighting for choice, every choice should count and be validated.
Anyway, now I’m all riled up! If I didn’t dedicate Fridays to quiet thoughts, I’d be writing somethin’ angry today! Maybe I’ll bottle it up for Monday. 🙂 Hope you are enjoying a wonderful Friday evening and preparing for a fantastic weekend!!